Family and Lifestyle

A serious case of ‘mixed messages’ on the net
A male friend of mine has been in a lot of contact with me online recently, we have a lot in common and we are both single. I think there is a spark there, yet when I suggested meeting up he said he was too busy, yet continues to stay in contact with me. I feel I’m getting mixed signals what should I do?

It is clear that you have a connection with this person, however having things in common doesn’t necessarily mean a romantic connection. I can’t help but thing of the phrase “he is just not that into you”. 

You might be analysing every conversation and looking for deeper meaning but don’t torture yourself or waste your time waiting to see how things play out. Even if someone is incredibly busy, if he wanted to meet up in person he would make the time to do it. Everyone can fit in a coffee – we can always find time if it is something we really want.

Chasing someone generally doesn’t end well. If you have casually suggested a meet up and he hasn’t bitten I would leave it at that. As the old saying goes actions speak louder than words. Sure maybe his messages or contact to date seems to say one thing but if there is no follow through then it’s time to move on.

If you want to pursue this friendship by all means do, but I wouldn’t hold onto hope that there is a chance for romance. There are a few reasons why he might be sending you mixed messages. Sometimes we send out these misleading signals without the follow through because we like all of the emotional attention without any real commitment, keeping you interested while maintaining the boundaries of the friend-zone. What this comes down to is being subtly used and it’s not fair. He might be interested but he doesn’t know what he wants. If he doesn’t recognise your value and how amazing you truly are then why waste your time?  


Perhaps the answer is in the asking. If you have to wonder if this person is interested, chances are they’re not, so really is there mixed messages at all? The failure to act is a clear signal. When someone is really interested in you it will be clear – when it’s the right person it will be natural.

If you are becoming emotionally invested and don’t think you can separate a friendship from romantic feelings from developing, it’s probably best to break ties. If you decide to do this I would be honest about your reasons, say you think there could possibly be an attraction there but it’s not reciprocated and that’s ok, it’s also OK to not want to have to make time for a new friend when you are looking for something more.